Marriage changes the dynamics of Love. Imagine what happens when the person you created with your love, enters your marriage? I am talking about your much loved, much-anticipated baby!! What happens to your romance and love, after a baby?Love multiplies, but what a new mom needs in abundance is also care, empathy, compassion, patience and that too, from her partner. Her husband! If you are a New Dad, I insist that you read ahead. This will probably make you feel better as a man and will help make your wife and now a mom of your child, fall more in love with you…
It’s the prescribed month to celebrate Love by people young and old. February, the time when you start looking at gifts for him and her. It’s the time when we are prescribed to swoon to the tunes of love. Valentine fever picks up. Every other advertisement, every second article on every other blog talks about the ideal Valentine’s day gift for him & her.
Since I am a romantic and since I am a mother, I thought of the time when I was at my most vulnerable. I thought of the time when I wanted the most of /from my husband and fortunately for me, he delivered. And this was when I had just delivered our bundle of joy.
The postpartum period is extremely crucial for your mental and physical recovery but it is also the time which tests your love and patience with your partner. And if you are a first-time parent, please trust me when I say, “postpartum period is the toughest to survive with your sanity and strength intact.” It asks a lot of you and your marriage/relationship.
There are plenty of articles, tips on the Internet for postpartum recovery, postnatal depression, tips & suggestions for the postpartum mother, and these are all valuable information. But having been there and done that, I would like to blog about, what we the new moms in our postpartum stage want & expect from our husband/partner.
Here’s my list:
1. Hold the baggage: Literally & Figuratively. We are holding the baby almost all the time, feeding them, sleeping with them, bonding with them. All the other items like the baby bag, our water bottle, extra shawl & sweater & any other weight that’s weighing us down emotionally and physically, we want our partner to hold & support. It’s not easy being stitched up at places, and walking straight as it is!
2. Take care of the visitors: With the baby comes the admirers of the baby, the family, the extended family, friends, colleagues & well-wishers. We are anyway sleep deprived momzies, battling our inner and outer pain coupled with a sudden burst of love that our heart can barely contain with the heaviness of the onset of depression. Please entertain the guests, please keep them away when we are sleeping and please only let the good & helpful & positive ones in..There is no space or place for family drama at this point in time!
3. Talk & Reassure us: Yes, you will be amazed by the little one who has arrived in your life. Yes, the focus will move on to every twitch of the baby’s nose and the wrinkle on that little palm, and the pout & cry.. Yet, we need you too. Talk to us. Hear us out. Reassure us that the baby is amazing and so are we as a brand new mom.
4. Be a man! : The last thing a postpartum woman want is a panicky – paranoid husband. Yes, it’s too much to digest and yes, suddenly everyone feels the burden of responsibility but panicking if the baby didn’t burp or didn’t poop or cried all night is not going to help us or the baby. Please be brave. Please be our sanity at the time we are truly losing our strength & shit together. Please be that man we can depend on!
5. Do not call us Fat: You thought that the tummy will shrink the moment baby comes out. So did we. No, it doesn’t happen like that. Now we know. But don’t call or even suggest that we are fat. You won’t know what will hit you. And it will hurt.
6. Give us a break: Make that bottle. Change the diapers. Do the dishes. Call the masseuse and give us a break. Not always but sometimes. Being a new mom is a very tough job. Every part of your body hurts, some more than the others. Getting a break is very therapeutic for the mind, body & soul of the post partum mother.
7. Love without expecting sex: Hugs, cuddles, massages & kisses. Yes, a new mom wants it whether she knows it herself or no. Give her the love freely. Give her your attention and affection but don’t push her for sex. Let that be her choice at her discretion when she feels like it. She is a mother, but you can be her husband, her friend, her caretaker and partner in the journey ahead.
8. You are a father. Now, be a Dad: Yup, you became a father the day we conceived, but now is the time to unleash that “Dad” living inside you. Go ahead, hold your baby. Play with him, kiss him, caress him, sing him silly songs and do tell the baby some goofy stories. As a new mom, nothing brings more joy to our heart, more than the sight of our man bonding with our baby. It’s bliss. Give us this joy. Share the love. Share the happiness of what we have created, together!
This is a pretty good snapshot of what we women in our postpartum days expect from our significant other. This may differ from one mother to the other but every woman wants love, compassion, care & understanding from her partner at a time when she is emotionally and physically very vulnerable.
Parenting is a team sport. So, the partners need to be in sync with each other, holding on to each other’s strength to bridge the weaknesses.
Please Share this list with your partner if you are expecting a little one or have just got one. Share it with the couple who you know are expecting their bundle of joy. This will not make it to the birth register wishlist but it’s a wonderful gift. Hope you like it.