Mothers have been revered, worshipped & adored across culture, across time in the history of mankind.
Being a mother is by far the highest calling of a woman they say. It is somehow true for a majority of us as well. But what I beg to differ in my very humble opinion is the notion that, we mothers are higher being, that we have cracked the moral code or conduct, that we are the authority on our kid’s life. That we have the right to decide for them, that we are the one’s sacrificing our body & sleep to raise these little people, so they owe us obedience when they grow up to be adults.
I think it defeats the whole purpose of being the carrier of generation next into the world. Ofcourse, I will be strict with my baby, and tell her what’s right & wrong to the best of my ability as her mother, but I for sure will not force her to decide her life based on my say. Her career, her love life, her sexual orientation and pretty much all her adult decisions are hers to make. I am just her guide. I am her well-wisher. I am her lighthouse.
We go through pain, to bring them to this world. We go through sore nipples & mastitis in the quest to breastfeed them,we learn to live without shower, fab clothes & fun times with friends to go through the feed-poop-sleep cycle with them, over and over again. But we do it for ourselves.
It’s a choice. Our choice. Conceiving a child could be the result of planned action or pure accident but raising a child with your presence, time and good intentions is based on your moral code, choice & believe system. The child didn’t ask for it. A baby bears your right & wrong decisions you make for her with the same trust. And being able to give birth & raise a human being is your journey, your privilege, your responsibility. Isn’t it?
I love this quote from #sushmitasen.
It’s a vicious cycle. We love our children because thats the most natural thing to do. When there is love, everything you do for your loved one is an act of love. We do it for ourselves. What we do for ourselves cannot be dubbed as sacrifice.
It’s a very egotistical thought to consider yourself the ” know it all” of your children’s life. I for one, do not agree to it. We don’t own them. We care for them, we raise them & we let go with best wishes & prayers.
We cannot raise our child holding on to the expectations of reverence, love, support, benefits ( physical / emotional / financial) in return. There is no scope for return on investment here. The intention to raise a child should be to do it with grace and service to yourself, your dreams, and in some way towards your purpose in this life.
It will be nice if the child grows up and reciprocates your love, respect & trust. But it’s not guaranteed and it’s not your place to demand it. Hope for it- Yes. Demand it- No.
I have left my career, my identity as a professional, my pre pregnancy body & my pre-pregnancy brain behind in this journey. But it’s not a sacrifice. It’s me growing up. It’s me doing what came naturally to me in the love of my child. It’s my wish to be present in her life. It’s my wish to raise her with my own hands. It’s my wish to be with her every day and every night, witnessing her sit, crawl, walk, jump into this little toddler she has become. It’s my wish to guide her, teach her good values, play with her like her sibling and care for her like her mother, and I am not doing this only for her. I am doing it for me. I am doing it for my husband, who is my team and I am doing it for my parents, who are my benchmark in parenting.
What I do hope is that someday, when she decides to be a mother, she will love her child, as much as I love her. And so it goes..